MY KARMA RAN OVER MY DOGMA
THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE
TIME IS WHAT KEEPS THINGS FROM HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE
I DIDN'T FIGHT MY WAY TO THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN TO BE A VEGETARIAN
WOMEN WHO SEEK TO BE EQUAL WITH MEN LACK AMBITION
YOUR KID MAY BE AN HONOR STUDENT BUT YOU'RE STILL AN IDIOT
IF WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EAT ANIMALS, WHY ARE THEY MADE WITH MEAT?
FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT
I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT
IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP, BUT YOU EAT BETTER
LOVE: TWO VOWELS, TWO CONSONANTS, TWO FOOLS
ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST
SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE.  VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE.
FORGET ABOUT WORLD PEACE...VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
WARNING: DATES ON CALENDAR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR
GIVE ME AMBIGUITY OR GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE
WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF "SMART"
MAKE IT IDIOT PROOF AND SOMEONE WILL MAKE A BETTER IDIOT
HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
I SMILE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU'RE UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
VERY FUNNY SCOTTY, NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES
PURITANISM: THE HAUNTING FEAR THAT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE MAY BE HAPPY
CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
3 KINDS OF PEOPLE: THOSE WHO CAN COUNT AND THOSE WHO CAN'T
WHY IS "ABBREVIATION" SUCH A LONG WORD?
EVER STOP TO THINK, AND FORGET TO START AGAIN?
DIPLOMACY IS THE ART OF SAYING "NICE DOGGIE" TILL YOU CAN FIND A ROCK
I LIKE YOU BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU WORKING WITH SUB-ATOMIC PARTICLES
'AUNTIE EM: HATE YOU, HATE KANSAS, TAKING THE DOG' -DOROTHY
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell her she has the right to remain silent?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do cemetery workers ever have to work a graveyard shift?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?